Heartbeats fading

I lay brokenhearted in the night for years, crying tears that were such a waste. So much effort, so much energy lost, trying to recover what I just gave away. But you know something? I'd do it all again, just to feel your heartbeat again as you lie next to me. To feel your skin on mine, the touch of your lips. The way you made my heart beat faster just by looking at me a certain way. I miss all of that. I miss you.

But now it's time to put you away. It's been weeks since I looked at pictures of you, stroking your face in my mind, and wishing against everything that I hadn't been such a fool. But it's time to forgive myself for things I can no longer change. You are not mine. You never will be again. I can be grateful for the time that we did have together. There will be days when I will still ache for you. Especially now that I'm determined to go it alone. But now I'm strong enough to remind myself that it's no longer my right to hold you, to have you close.

You will no longer be the standard I measure every man against. Your smile in my mind will blur and let me see others clearly once more. Those heartbeats of yours that I was convinced beat in time with mine? They will fade from my ears, never to be heard again. The warmth of your skin, the strength-under-silk feel of your body, will no longer be impressed upon my skin.

One day, when I've found my own strength again; when I've got back all of myself that I let myself lose when you left me, then I'll find love again. And this time, I'll grab it with both hands, and I'll hold it close. And I'll treat it the way I should. Thanks to you. :)

Losing the hurt

It's been a while, and I still miss you. I've tried talking myself out of it, unsuccessfully, and just given in.

The good news is you're no longer a sharp pain in my heart. When someone mentions you, I no longer store it away to examine later, to treasure it and cry over it in private.

You're still a huge part of my life, whether I'm being guarded or not, something will always creep up that reminds me of you. But when I whisper your name now, it's a charm. A reminder of something beautiful that will always be kept safe inside me. The bitterness is gone, the hurt has drained away.

But I'll always miss you. And wish you were here, with me.